Why I Love My Coworkers

My sentiments exactly. Except maybe replace 'socks' with 'bra.'

Check My Flow

So, awhile back I wrote about the Pink and Carey Hart split. A few weeks ago, I caught Pink's video for her new song So What. Or, as my friend Kate refers to it, the naner-naner song.

After seeing the video, I was even more bummed about the dissolution of the Pink/Hart relationship. Clearly, they get along and still care for one another. Why cut down the tree with carved initials and declarations of love? Can't Carey ride bitch on the back of her riding lawn mower?

I suppose I'm longing for a little dose of fairytale in a reality-laden world. What's so overrated about a great story that stays, well, great? Why can't I have my cake and eat it too, preferably with a scoop of ice cream?

I digress. I think I just wanted an excuse to hear this song again. Catchy, ain't it?

Synchronized Slimming

Sometimes I wish that as women, we decided to stop relating and foraging relationships based on diet and negative body image issues. I wish we could compliment each other's brain, heart, and character and not each other's size, dress, and skin.

I have shared many a meal with female coworkers since I started working in a professional setting eight years ago. And I can genuinely say that most of these meals play out in the same fashion. Everyone ponders over the menu for a few minutes, and then announces their meal plans. Except usually the statement is prefaced by declarations that go a lot like:

"I'm being good today!"
"I'm having a bad day, so I'm having the..."
"I haven't eat since yesterday, so I'm going all out!"
"Today is a cheat day."

How about we just eat? If it's a hamburger, a salad, a muffin, a potato chip, an oyster, a taco, or a jelly bean. How about we just do it? And we don't excuse it or justify it or mull it over once everyone else has made their decisions.

And I'm having seconds of that.

And before the might
of all that’s seen
I’ll raise my head
and wake to dream
with a clean pair of eyes

Inaudibly Irrelevant

I'm a big fan of words. I love consonants, syllables, contractions, similes, and everything in between. That said, hearing someone use incorrect tense, ending sentences with prepositions, or making up words makes me feel like I'm trapped in a phone booth with Fran Drescher and Bill O'Reilly.

Stop using 'mute' in place of 'moot.' Those words have two vastly different meanings. I promise. Look it up.

I opened my eyes
While you were kissing me once, more than once
And you looked as sincere as a dog
Just as sincere as a dog does
When it's the food on your lips with which it's in love