I Heart Jordan Catalano

Since I've been spending a lot of time trying to get over my recent cold, I've been watching the My So Called Life DVD series I got for Christmas (best gift ever!). I have to say that I have forgotten how spectacular this show really was. I really can't think of any other program that truly captured what life as a high school-er is really like. Freaks and Geeks came close, but MSCL will never be topped. I know that's a bold statement, but I heartily stand by it.

When I would watch the show several years ago, I really only paid attention to the character plots of Angela and her friends. Teenage angst was something I could relate to so easily, and Angela Chase was such the perfect teenager, I could hardly stand it. The strange thing is that now I'm really struck by Graham and Patty's (the parents) relationship. It's strange to see the people that parents turn into. As an outsider, watching Graham and Patty, I love them as a couple and as individuals. They remind me of my parents - a father with a quiet and slightly humorous intensity. A mom who cares so much that she doesn't really realize that she's trying so hard that it's almost unbearable.

This makes me think about my own family and the other families I know. I wonder what makes us fall into these roles almost subconsciously. I know that my parents were pretty cool people before they started having children. And I'm sure that before they had my brothers and me, they had the best intentions of being the most loving, attentive, and generous parents that they could be. I'm not saying that my parents were awful or that my childhood was rough or anything of that nature. What I am saying is that I wonder how it is that my parents fell into the roles they now have. And I wonder the same thing about my friends' parents, and now about my friends as parents.

I wish I knew what allows us to become complacent with a stereotype or generational habit, or a cultural expectation. Growing up, my parents had very different roles. My dad was fun and goofy and took me out for pizza on nights when my mom worked late. My mom was the disciplinarian and the general caretaker. I see that pattern a lot in families, and I know some of it has to do with the way our bodies are hardwired hormonally. But what I don't understand is why we become ok with it. My Aunt Kim and Uncle Steve are one of the few couples I know who share their parenting responsibilities almost exactly 50/50. They've been married for over 15 years and they've managed to buck every gender, generational, and stereotypical role that seems to fall on parents. And they have great kids. I don't know what their secret is, but I do know this; they both work ridiculously hard at being parents. So much so that it any observer can see that their family is their full time job and everything else is just details.

So I'm not really sure where that leaves me. The thought of having a family - of having responsibilities outside of myself scares me to no end. I don't want to fall into the trap of motherhood and wake up 10, 15, or 20 years from now not knowing who I am. I see my coworkers and my friends at church and my own family holding on so tight to their kids that they're not allowing for any autonomy. At what point do we stop living for ourselves and lose what we once knew to be our own life?

The thing that I love about Patty and Graham is that they don't always fall into these familiar roles of mom and dad. I was reading some of the notes from MSCL's creator included in the DVD set I have. She said if the show had continued, she would have split Patty and Graham up. A part (a very small part) is glad the show did end before she could break apart their marriage. It think that maybe we need to see a couple who realizes that not knowing the answers may be what it's all about.

All my life, is changing every day
In every possible way.
And my dreams, it's never quite as it seems
Because you're a dream to me.