No Pat on the Back, Just Your Mind Intact

I’m feeling a bit frazzled and out of control today, so I’m stopping now to write a little and let the catharsis of that sink in.

When I started this blog, it was mostly to talk about myself and the bounty o’ issues I have surrounding myself, my weight, and my eating disorder. These past few months have given way to so much change, and I feel like my life is molding itself into something a little bit closer to what I thought it would be. Therefore, I’m changing the direction of this blog. I still want to talk about my stuff, but I just feel like I have so much more that’s inside of me that I need to explore through my writing.

I like to play a game with myself where I review the last year and decide my worthiness based on how much I have accomplished. This accomplishment, of course is relative because ultimately I’m my own worst critic and don’t recognize what I have truly accomplished. Something about the change in weather, and the promise of fall brings this out of me. When I started to reflect this time, I actually felt good about where I am. In the past year I’ve graduated from college, I’ve gotten a promotion, I’ve lived in one place for more than one year, I’ve bought a car that I saved for all by myself. While all of these are tangible and very important, my more important accomplishments lie within my soul. I think what’s most important is that I’ve made a conscious effort to stop dwelling in the muck of what I think I should be. It’s not easy, and it’s certainly not something that comes naturally. But I am trying.