Yesterday’s group session was really tough. I’ve had a heavy heart ever since yesterday, but it’s mostly because I wish I could change life for the women in my group. A new girl has joined our ranks, and she is a snapshot of me four years ago. I want to just scoop her up and take her away to some place where none of this crap mattered. I wish I could do that for every one in my group, hell every woman who has carried this burden on their shoulders. I know this is coming off as whiny, and it is whiny, but it doesn’t change the what-ifs we all feel. I prayed last night for everything I couldn’t change and for everything I knew I had the strength to change.
I became ill yesterday afternoon during work and ended up going home. I’m not sure if it was something I ate, or just general stress, but I physically became ill. As I’m leaned over the toilet and my chest is pounding and my eyes are watering I think I slipped out of myself for a few minutes. I could not believe that this was something I used to force myself to do. It hit me really hard and really fast and all I could do was apologize to myself and to my body for using something so unnatural to cope.
I’ve made the decision that it’s time to get back into the swing of things exercise-wise. And by swing of things, I don’t mean that I’m going to start the obsessive exercise regime I was doing earlier this year. This is gentle, and in the greatest effort to take care of myself. So I’m starting with three days a week – two days of cardio and one day of yoga or Pilates. It feels good to be decisive about this and not just wing it until I’m out of control. I just hope it stays this way.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment