It's an Infininte World and I Want You...

Ahhh, Duncan Sheik. How I adore thee.

Feeling marginally better today. Partially because I don’t know how anyone could be upset on such a beautiful day like today. Partially because I’m just tired of feeling like poo. And partially because I feel good in what I’m wearing.

I realize that recovery isn’t cut and dry. I realize that it’s a series of good days looped in with a series of bad days. I realize that I’m a work in progress and that weight loss may not necessarily be the next natural step for my body or my mind. That said, I’m not feeling comfortable at the weight I’m at and I think that contributed the most to my less-than-sunny disposition the past week. It’s not just a matter of comfort either – I want to feel healthier and more at ease in physical situations.

There are days when I can look at myself objectively and think that I’m beautiful. I want those days to not be so few and far between. More than that, I want to stop judging others based on how they look. How is that the thing I’m most sensitive and insecure about, is the very thing I’m guilty of myself? I think if I met God today, that’s the first question I’d ask him/ her. How is it that as human beings, we are such hypocrites? How is it that we can completely loathe and detest qualities that we ourselves possess? It just seems so cruel and unfair and completely tragic. But I digress.

One of my favorite pick-me-up songs is The Middle by Jimmy Eat World. I have it on repeat today.

Hey, you know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in
You live right now, just be yourself
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else

It just takes some time
Little girl you're in the middle of the ride
Everything will be just fine
Everything will be alright
It just takes some time
Little girl you're in the middle of the ride
Everything will be just fine
Everything will be alright