It is a sad day when one of my guiltiest pleasures leaves me feeling…well, without pleasure. I had approached fall with an unbridled sense of excitement over the promise of a fabulous Tuesday evening television lineup. My two favorite programs – House and Nip/Tuck – are now scheduled on Tuesday night, one right after the other.
The last two weeks, I have come home on Tuesday night, made a delicious dinner and adjusted my bed pillows to achieve maximum comfort. I settle in, remote control in hand, and wait for that comfortable feeling of numb brain to sink in. The last two weeks, I have been sorely disappointed.
First, can we put some more characters on House? Last season, House’s entire staff either quit or resigned. This season, we pull out all the bells and whistles to hire a new staff – complete with hottie Olivia Wilde, and that dude who is either Harold or Kumar – I can’t remember which. Now this week, we bring out the quasi-famous Michael Michele? Weak. Weak! How many medical dramas can this woman guest star on? ER, a couple cancelled pilot episodes of a random doctor show, I think I even remember her on Chicago Hope. What the H?!?! If the writers of the show end up creating a romance between her and House’s characters, I may have to consider burning my television.
So let us discuss Nip/Tuck, shall we? My loyalty runs a bit deeper for this program; I have watched it since its inception, and Dr. Troy has been the subject of many a masturbatory fantasy for me. That aside, I am nervous that the writers may be grasping this season. Last year, Troy and McNamara moved their practice from the sultry beachside of Miami to the vapid and contumelious Hollywood. This move apparently warrants the onslaught of guest appearances from an odd combination of B-listers, impersonators, and Lauren Hutton. I will contend that Portia DiRossi looked wicked hot in last night’s episode, but she only appeared for about five minutes of the show. But Daphne Zuniga? Marilyn Monroe look-alikes? The gay mafia? And to top it all off, we have to run a story-line about Dr. Troy being a middle aged has-been? Show a girl some love!
I turned off the TV last night and rolled over to a feeling of uncertainty. How can the world be right without the cocky swagger of a lady-killer like Christian Troy? How can I fall fast into a satiated sleep without the snarkey rebuttals of Dr. House dancing through my dreams? Why is the world plotting against me?
It's a longshot
She's got the truth and her tongue for a slingshot
But she's taking steady aim at the big shot
It's hard to miss the rolling bullets on the blacktop
Better mark it, your turf
She's coming up from, coming up from, coming up
Coming up from Behind. Yeah.
She's coming up from, coming up from, coming up
Coming up from Behind
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