Feces to Fertilizer

Graphic, I know. But just roll with it a moment.

One of my oldest and dearest friendships is with a curly haired cello-playing goddess by the name of Liz. Liz is flaky. Flaky McFlighty. It's a wonder our friendship has survived for 14 years, but it has. I love Liz something fierce and no amount of flake or flight will change that. Growing up, Liz had bunk beds in her bedroom. She and I would lay on the lower portion of the bunk and write memories on the exposed natural wood beams from the upper portion of the bunk. One of our favorite quotes at the time said something to the effect of true friends seeing you not as a you are, but as what you wish you could be. We loved that quote. Wrote it everywhere, including the graffiti'ed bunk bed. And I think that sums up why no matter how flaky Liz is, I will always love her. And I know that no matter how judgemental, or condescending I can be, Liz will always love me.

Fertilizer, I know. I'm getting there.

The past 48 hours have been rough. But I dug in...deep. I went to group today. I meditated. I threw myself into my work. I talked through my hurt with someone I trust and love. I knitted. I talked on the phone and watched reality TV. And in the end I did it. Instead of taking all the crap I was wading in yesterday and making it deeper and uglier and scarier, I changed it to fertilizer. I had some help along the way, don't get me wrong. But I still stopped, looked around, and decided that flowers are a lot prettier than dead weeds. And I'm counting on tulips.

Self magazine voted San Francisco as the healthiest city in America. Ironically, it also is ranked number one for the fewest number of people per capita on a diet. There were more positive statistics regarding the city in the article I read, and this wasn't just an independent study done by the editors at Self. It makes me feel like the universe is collaborating to will me back to the scent of salty air and soreness in my thighs from stomping up hills. I'm coming back...I promise.

We bring ourselves down
And build ourselves up in disappointment
How fragile we are
So fragile we are, we just don't show it
We'll shake up this town
And shoot down the stars for our enjoyment