No Golden Calculators Need Apply

I've spent the last few hours in an attempt to complete my holiday shopping with my friend Caroline. Shopping is the truest test of a friendship for me. I'm not the stereotypical female shopper. I only go to the mall if I need something specific. I have a very methodical and efficient way of trying on and purchasing clothing. I have no real weaknesses with the exception of housewares. That said, I knew tonight might be a test of my patience.

Caroline and I did yoga before our shop-fest. We centered, we breathed, we stretched. We set out with a calm purpose. And then we went to Toys R' Us. It's been a long time since I've set foot in a toy store. I'm not one of those people that's nostalgic for the days of my youth, when my parents would take me to the toy store and let me pick out that one special thing. Nonetheless, I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into.

The store was a complete mess. Discarded Barbies and Matchbox cars were strewn through the aisles. Board games were stacked haphazardly on shelves which held either no toys, or too many toys to support. The bicycle section was mayhem. All around me were the sounds of 'test me' buttons being pushed. And the children. Oh god, the children. I told Caroline I'd meet her at the check-out counter and made my way over to the book section. To my surprise, the book section was like a zen garden. No children, no noise, no debris. Just me, a rack of neatly stacked literature, and another browser. I was kind of annoyed that this was the only quiet and neat and subsequently untouched section of the store. I wondered if books were really that antiquated and un-trendy. I think out of sheer principle I bought more books than I have gifts to give. I fought my way back through the sea of exasperated parents and marched myself and my books out of that store.

The shopping center that houses the Toys R' Us also houses a Lifeway Christian Bookstore. I think the name of the store needs to be of some emphasis in this story. As I was pulling out of my parking spot, I witnessed quite possibly the most disturbing scene. A woman in a minivan peeled out of her Christian bookstore parking spot. She then sped towards the exit, but not before sideswiping a loose shopping cart. She hit the cart so hard that it flew into the air and landed on another car. Maybe landed is the wrong word. It sort of bounced against the hood of the car, and then smashed the windshield before toppling onto the concrete. Caroline and I sat frozen, dumbfounded. What further confounded us was the fact that the minivan driver stopped, looked around, and then drove off. Drove off! Caroline and I played good citizen and made note of her license plate information. It turned out the car she obliterated belonged to some teenager who works at the store. O' Holy Night indeed.

The rest of the shopping expedition went well. Caroline and I mesh quite nicely as a shopping duo. We came, we saw, we conquered. We treated ourselves to holiday libations afterwards. We vowed to do all our shopping online next year.