Chocolate Evolution

Last night, one of my friends hosted a party to celebrate the premiere of The Hills new season. My affinity for this show is a bit on the ridiculous side. Part of it has to do with the fact that I relate really strongly to Lauren, the shows main character. Not the whole 4500 square foot apartment, Mercedes Benz, fashion line, and VIP access to exclusive clubs part. I more relate to the way she behaves in relationships.

So last night, we settled in with some (ok, more than some) wine and watched our heroine navigate the mean streets of the concrete jungle. MTV had really outdone itself; the network hosted a huge premiere party at some fabulous location and even coerced Mariah Carey into spitting some rhymes at the end of the show. And sadly, I loved every damn second of it. But here is what I'm not understanding:

1. Why did Brody feel it necessary to act like he wanted a relationship with Lauren before she left for Paris? She wasn't putting any pressure on him to commit to her. And why show up with a different 'girlfriend' and hang around Lauren's roommate? Why offer something that wasn't even being asked for, and then stomp all over it for no reason?

2. When will Spencer realize his own douchebaggedness?

3. Why didn't Lauren hook up with the hottie French musician? Short of finding Peter Krause in my shower, there is nothing sexier than a cigarette smoking Frenchie on a Vespa.

4. What were the repercussions of the burnt gown? And how adorable was the replacement gown?

5. How soon do we get to see more of Lo?

I have to preface my next statement by saying that I love Mariah Carey. My formative years were spent singing her songs to myself in the mirror. I wore her albums out on my tape player. That said, who the H does she think she's fooling? That performance was so not live. Ok, maybe it was live because Mariah was actually standing there, breathing and in person. But those vocals have a definite expiration date. And what was that blathering about the trainer that moved into Mariah's house and was boring but effective? What? Bring the old Mariah back. You know, the girl who wore that black cocktail dress to her first five public performances? The one who really had a seven-octave range? The one who couldn't really dance, but shook her booty anyway?

You'd trade your place for a brighter sun to come your way
Walking contradiction now I'm a mess I cannot say
It's ok, it's ok, I hope I will be ok
So come on I'm screaming now how much I need you to stay

And if the night left you alone
And if the days leave you cold
I'll trade a symphony for a song
I'll leave the light on by your home